Learning To Be Satisfied - My Filofax, My Style.

I am a scavenger.

I search for things to own

Possess

Have

Be.

I look at the things around me and want want want.

And when it comes to Journals and Filofaxes,
I am either on a never ending quest
Or a folly for fools.

I have always kept a journal and own a Filofax (or two),
but have envious eyes on the work of others
it always leads me to dissatisfaction.
I want my journal to be the best!
The best for me
and a source of admiration for others.
I want my handiwork to leave it's mark.

And then,
in the midnight hours
I search the web for pictures of other people's binders.
Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, Google images... and on and on!
Oh, I have it bad!

And then,
like an addict
I feel a sense of inadequacy and need
I must have something more!
I need to have perfection!

And then,
I am not happy with my pages
they should be neater
they should be more decorated
I want a better pen
Perhaps more expensive paper?
the pages should be complete,
they should be like ......

And then,
I stop
I breath in
I take stock of myself
and take a moment to be focused.

I am trying to reach the unreachable
I am desiring the things I do not have
I covet the order and effort of others
I feel everyone has the perfection I lack
and feel sad that I am not good enough
When in fact,
the thing I want the most
 is already before me.

I AM in possession of a wonderful and creative book
I love to write in my journal and Filofax.
I enjoy the solace of writing
and sharing my thoughts and dreams
Placing and pasting and cutting and ordering.
Making it uniquely mine
The joys of stealing away to a quiet place
to have some private moments with just the two of us.

I can ZONE OUT.
I can CREATE
I can DREAM
I can EXPRESS
I can WRITE.

I look at my own work.
This simple book
This part of me.

Now I see it in a different light
Sure, I admire other people's work
But what I have done in mine is also worthy
It is admired by others - they have told me so.
And I begin to see it more clearly
What I have is amazing
and remarkable
and valuable to me beyond words

Because it is full of myself
Mine..

If I ever was completely happy with it,
I would soon get bored.
Daring not to tamper with perfection

But it is NOT perfect.
And that's it's beauty!

It is a developing work of art
Individualized and growing
And as it grows - I grow.

My envy now turns to pride
and settled thoughts about my books and words

I like it.

I really do.

And now
In the midnight hours
I am happy with my work

At last!